A Time to LOL (also called A Day Late, but Maybe that was Planned)

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace."

A time to play LOL, and a time to read books;
A time to watch movies, and a time to write blogs.

Something that I find to be important to point out before I continue this blog is that LOL = League of Legends, which is a free online video game. Now to the content.

This passages from Ecclesiastes is one that always gives me a lot to think about. I've heard it said that this section is just an observation that the world goes through phases, and that we can expect things to change. But as I've had time to think on it, I've come to believe that this is only a part of what the passage means.

Have you ever needed a day off? I'm sure you have; everyone needs rest. But have you ever done nothing on your day off and then felt worse off for it? You spend the day resting, watching television, catching up on your reading, but then feel like crap at the end of the day.

I am a person who tends to fill gaps in his life by engorging in excess. So this might be exclusive for me, but on my days off, I usually do an excessive amount of nothing. If I'm sad, I tend to have an excessive amount of food or drink to make up for it. If I'm bored, I play an excessive amount of LOL. If I'm lonely, I spend an excessive amount of time looking for company. This tends to make me feel good in the moment, but it never really addresses what I have been feeling at the time. Indulging in this excess keeps me even from recognizing what it is that I need.
I sometimes have problems recognizing what I need at the time that I need it.


There is a time to play a lot of LOL, but it's not when I'm bored. When I am bored, I need to find something beautiful or remember why something is beautiful or interesting. The solution to boredom is not excessive relaxation, but becoming interested in something. The solution to loneliness is finding how you are valuable. The solution to sadness is grieving then moving past it. What you're supposed to do on your day off is relax, not nothing.


Yesterday was a time for me to see a movie with a friend, not write a blog. But a day late is better than none at all, right?

There is a time for everything, but I've begun to realize that you need to recognize the time so you can begin to fall in line with it. It's frustrating when things get in the way of what we want to do, but it is detrimental when we aren't able to do what we need to do. It is when we don't know what we need and ignore it that we begin to waste our time and feel like crap at the end of the day.

At least, that is what I think about it.

Happy on the Inside

There is a type of happiness that varies from person to person and that is based on circumstance. Some find Disneyland to be the happiest place on Earth, while others would rather go to Yellowstone. Some are happy when they sitting under a tree reading a book, while others would rather be at a party making new friends. Personally, I’m happy lying on the beach listening to Jack Johnson or devouring a feast with my friends and family featuring my mother’s specially made ribs. These moments of happiness bring us out of a dreary existence and it can stand to reason that if we were able to surround ourselves with these things that are uniquely perfect to us, we would never be sad or angry again. We could be fulfilled in having these things around us all the time.

However, this circumstantial happiness is not what I am interested in. Instead, I find myself looking for happiness that is common to all of humanity, some singular achievement that all men are working toward. A type of happiness that persists in good times and terrible times. A type of contentment that exists through all situations. A lasting peace. Joy. Happiness on the inside. 

Some people that I have talked to do not believe that this type of happiness is possible, and from many perspectives, I can see why. At best, this happiness seems to be a lofty, ideological virtue, theoretical yet not practical. And on some level, I agree with this belief. If there is such a thing as happiness on the inside, then it must be something really difficult to reach, else we'd have more people believing it. So, it is by no means an easy thing to reach. But it would last.

The main problem with circumstantial happiness is that it lasts for a moment. Sure it feels fantastic when it comes, but it's just as short as any other feeling. It might be true that these moments are all that we have, and that the only way to be happy is to find a way to make these moments last forever. However, if this is the only way to find happiness, then that is must argue that this method is not only impractical, but also self-involved. These moments are far too unstable to be able to last forever, not to mention that they often come about through inconveniencing another. This is why I certainly hope that there is a happiness that all humanity is working toward, a goal we can all share in instead of fight each other for.

I lack the words and logic to try and describe what this ending might be, but I can wager a guess as to what would happen if we were to finally see it. For one, I’d guess that we would want to share it with others. Selfishly, we would want the help in reaching the goal, but I’d guess that a goal that unites people would be something that couldn’t be sought after selfishly. A goal that brings people together in harmony is hardly something that can properly be celebrated alone.

If there is a common goal that all humanity can reach towards, I sincerely doubt that we can reach this goal in our lifetime, which I know sounds like a cheap statement. “Best to be good now, but I cannot promise that you will ever be happy, just trust that you will be later. Just keep going for it though and do as I say.” But I am not trying to promise that there is an afterlife, I’m just giving you my thoughts. But if there is something that all humanity is reaching toward, I’d be willing to hope in an afterlife so I could reach it.  Pascal’s wager is often misquoted. People tend to use it to say “see how bad Hell is, it is worth it to believe in something better.” Pascal, as far as I can tell, meant it as “see how good Heaven is, why would you bother pursuing anything else?”

If there is an ultimate, permanent, happy ending for humanity, I’d be alright with dying to get to it.

This is a thought that I cannot completely grasp. If we are to be happy on the inside and to find joy even in the most difficult situations, we must believe in a happy ending. I was told by a friend that there are two ways to interpret situations after our initial feelings: sorrow and joy. It is not quite the same as “every cloud having a silver lining” or “seeing the cup as half full,” but it is similar. If you believe that the world will end in despair, then every event, either happy or sad, will be leading toward despair. You can be happy, but you know that it will eventually change and that is a reason to despair. If you believe that the world will end in joy, then every event, either happy or sad, will be leading toward joy. You can be sad, but you know that it will eventually change and that is a reason to rejoice.

Though, even as I finish this, I hesitate because I know that these words are very familiar to several people. Words like this are often used to oppress and schism instead of unify. Dictators and religious fanatics promise happiness to people if they will only do as they are instructed. They are promised joy in a next life through doing terrible things in this life. A promise of unity and eternal joy is often used to oppress and blind people. But, the problem is, those who changed the world for the better often believed in a common humanity and better lives. They believed that there was some goal that humanity could work toward.

Yet as the saying goes, you can judge a tree by its fruit. Dictators will be judged to be dictators, and good men will be judged to be good men. You need to observe, be prudent, and be wise.

Here is my final belief on the subject. If you believe that the end to humanity can be a happy one and if there is actually a happy ending, then you will find it. You can be joyful in all circumstances, even the sad ones because all circumstances can bring you toward this perfect end. You have the freedom to say that something is sad, but that it is joyful at the same time. I cannot tell you what this end is, but that is mostly because itis beyond the scope of my blog and it is not something that I have a strong grasp on (not to mention that I lack the narrative skill to do it). But I hope and look forward to the time when all will be happy and that it will never end, and right now I can be content in my pursuit of it. To be happy on the inside, I believe, means to have made the choice to find the joy in all things. Not because you have to forsake reason to do it, but because you know that the world will end well.

Thank you to my friends who have spoken with me and have shared their thoughts with me so that I could write this. You have made me a happier man.

Brain Fart

It's surprising to me.

This entire week, I had multiple conversations with people around the topic that I wanted to write about. I spoke to friends, I IM'd about it, I read, and I even pulled aside family during our family BBQ to get their thoughts. But as I sat down to begin writing it, though my head was full of thoughts on the subject, nothing was coming out.

So I waited a few hours to try again, and still, nothing happened. My mind refused to put together the complex thoughts and arguments needed in a cohesive manner. I'm interested in re-reading this blog, because I don't think it will be very coherent. But I made a commitment to adding one a week, so I feel the need to persevere.

I had a complete and total brain fart.

In layman's terms, a brain fart is when you are trying to think on a specific topic, and you seem to be doing it just fine, but you just freeze and are unable to continue thinking. They usually come up when you are taking a test that you've studied for or are interviewing for a job that you are more than qualified for. Strangely, my brain fart definitely puts my mind at ease, because I am far too prone to taking myself too seriously, and I'm very thankful that my mind sometimes cannot do what I want it to. Once you think you know everything, you tend to stop listening to everyone else.

People often try to stop thinking as an excuse to overindulge. You want to stop thinking when you are out drinking with your friends so you can avoid feeling guilty about what you are about to do. This is not what I'm saying. Thinking helps people to discover what is good, loving, and positive to do, and it can help you learn different ways of enjoying it, but I wonder if it should stop their sometimes.

Thinking too much gets in the way of living well. There are times when you need to just sit back and stare blankly into the beyond, to pull close your loved one and just enjoy the feel of their head on your arm, to dance to the song that comes up on your iTunes, or to roar at your children from deep within your chest as you play Hot Lava Monster. These are some of those rare moments where you know you are living well and just need to be present in it.

Sometimes, you need to just not think and simply be. 


The ironic thing is I might be wrong here, because I cannot really think well about it. But it feels right, and I hope it is. I do enjoy these moments where my thoughts are quiet and I can just lean back and sigh. I am content. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

An apology to everyone who I have been talking to about the topic that I wanted to write about this week. It has been postponed, but not forgotten.

What a Wonderful Week

As I lay under a tree, my brother is next to me sketching a far off building, I find myself staring at the branches. A breeze comes and moves the branches back and forth just like it would in any other tree, the same thing I’ve always seen. But then I remembered that some people love nature; some believe that trees can dance. And then I saw it differently. I began to see each branch swaying back and forth, each individual leaf dancing to its own rhythm. It was no longer just a mass of twigs and leaves, but a waltz that I was invited to observe and enjoy. And I began to wonder. People used to believe in dryads and spirits in the trees, and I wonder if this is what they saw.

As I am at work watching a child play Mario Kart Double Dash, he keeps laughing loudly as he continually drives his car off the same cliff. Again. And again. And again. I get internally frustrated with him because obviously he is not realizing the point of this game. He instead gets a weird sense of enjoyment by repeatedly having his car plummet off the cliff, accomplishing nothing. But then I thought he might actually be having fun. And then I saw it differently. I began to find the courses as fantastical: you race around the feet of dinosaurs, speed across the tops of rainbows, soar across pits of lava, and navigate your way across perilous mountains. I thought he might be amused driving off a cliff because he was driving into lava and surviving, something that is bizarre and unheard of in this reality. And I began to wonder. People turned their imaginations into a virtual reality, and I find it remarkable that I can share in another’s vision.


As I walk to the car to get something to relieve my bored brother lying in the emergency room, there are people crying in the lobby that I pass through. I see a family talking to a doctor about their grandfather. I hear a child screaming in pain; I can see his feet struggling through a gap in his curtain. I see a woman with black hair sitting alone, distraught, staring blankly into space. I try to avoid meeting her gaze, but she makes no effort to look at me. But then I remembered that people in pain need people. And then I saw it differently. Though I was too much of a coward to say hello to the woman with black hair, I found the courage to at least smile at her and waved. I needed to be with my brother, but I hope my small gesture showed a bit of the care I felt but was too nervous to act on. And I began to wonder. People often need to become desensitized to survive working in a place like this, but what if you allowed yourself to feel all the pain of these people around you?


As I make my 6 hour drive through the desert that I’ve done this dozens of times before, I get caught in traffic along the way and lament my misfortune. I just want to get through this place as fast as possible. I try to find some good song to listen to and to numb my mind to the coming storm of boredom. But then I thought that this is a prime opportunity to sit and reflect. And then I saw it differently. I began to see the desert as a place of peace and calm but also a place where you could go as fast as you can without worrying about coming across anything. I imagine an oasis, home to a sage who spent his life contemplating signs in the stars. I imagined getting on an ATV and just driving for miles. And I began to wonder. People usually see deserts as big wastes of space, but maybe we need big spaces to run across so we feel what it is like to run as fast as possible. Or maybe we need them as places to get away from everything and everyone.


My favorite moment in the television show Scrubs takes place over two episodes. In the first, three patients die under the care of one of the lead doctors simultaneously. The second episode involves him in a deep depression, sitting around drinking scotch and not speaking to anyone. Eventually, the lead character is able to lift his depression by telling him that he hopes to one day become a doctor like him. Not because he is a skilled doctor, but because he still takes it hard when his patients die. He hasn’t become jaded, but he feels each of his patient’s pain.


I hope to be this way.


I think there is a difference between something growing old and something growing stale, but we use the two terms synonymously. Whenever we do an activity over and over, it gets tiring and uninteresting. It is just repetition; we’ve done it a thousand times before. But this is when something grows stale, and I don’t think this has to happen when something grows old. When something grows old, you get to experience more of it. You begin to fine tune and see the subtleties. You discover the intricacies and delve deeper into its secrets. I’m not sure how things grow stale, but whenever I wonder about something, I begin to see it differently.


Whenever I spend time wondering, I find that things don’t grow stale. To me, it feels like getting in touch with an old friend, and rediscovering why you loved each other to begin with. And then you love it more. It ages instead of growing stale.