I was having a conversation with a friend about love and its opposite, hatred. My friend was looking for an argument, so he decided to get smug with me and said, "Well, you know, the opposite of love isn't really hatred. The opposite of love is indifference."
This blog is written in response toward this comment.
For a while, I believed that the opposite of love was indifference for two main reasons: 1) both love and hatred are passionate emotions whereas indifference is a lack of emotion and 2) love and hatred can coexist in someone at the same time toward the same subject.
However, it's very simple why I came to believe that the opposite of love is hatred. There is no larger boomerang of emotion than going from love to hatred. Loosely speaking, love is wanting what is best for someone else, whereas hatred is wanting what is worst. It's the difference of going out of your way to do something nice for someone and going out of your way to do something horrible to them.
Yet you can be angry with someone without hating them, and you can do good for someone without loving them. No one action, moment, or emotion proves that these exist in a relationship, but I believe that both are an active and pursued choice.
Yet you can be angry with someone without hating them, and you can do good for someone without loving them. No one action, moment, or emotion proves that these exist in a relationship, but I believe that both are an active and pursued choice.
A lack of love (indifference) does not mean hatred; my friend was right about this. And this is true for most things that have opposites. A lack of speaking the truth may just mean a person is being silent. A lack of goodness does not make a thing evil. A lack of the color red does not make green. If you're not moving up, that does not mean that you are moving down.
Indifference falls into a similar category; it is an intentional (or unintentional) thoughtlessness and passionless neutrality.
As an aside, this is not to say that indifference is a bad thing, actually, hatred is not always a bad thing either.
All people are called to hate what is evil and love what is good. We should want the worst for bad things and the best for good things. This is how both of these can exist toward the same person; we can admire the best parts of them while hating the worst. Growth often comes from such tensions, but the struggles come from when we hate or love the wrong things.
Sometimes, struggles also come from loving (or hating) something too much.
My friend wrote a blog (that everyone should read, hence the link) about the myth of Icarus. He points out that we live in a generation unlike Icarus: where Icarus flew too high, we refuse to take our eyes off the ground. I don't mean to disagree with his point, but just as we are opposites in most ways, I find it important to take note of the traditional moral for the story: unkempt ambition is dangerous to ourselves. Just as it is wrong to have wings and refuse to fly, so it is also wrong to have wings and aim too high.
It is the moderation and focus of our virtues that is important here. We can definitely have too little love for something (neglect), but we can also have too much love (stalkers/need-for-restraining-orders). Likewise, the same is true for hatred. As with Icarus, the problem is not the passion, it is where it is being aimed. Temperance and Wisdom should be our guides.
But I digress.
If indifference is the opposite of love, why is it that the opposite of indifference is not love?
Sometimes, struggles also come from loving (or hating) something too much.
My friend wrote a blog (that everyone should read, hence the link) about the myth of Icarus. He points out that we live in a generation unlike Icarus: where Icarus flew too high, we refuse to take our eyes off the ground. I don't mean to disagree with his point, but just as we are opposites in most ways, I find it important to take note of the traditional moral for the story: unkempt ambition is dangerous to ourselves. Just as it is wrong to have wings and refuse to fly, so it is also wrong to have wings and aim too high.
It is the moderation and focus of our virtues that is important here. We can definitely have too little love for something (neglect), but we can also have too much love (stalkers/need-for-restraining-orders). Likewise, the same is true for hatred. As with Icarus, the problem is not the passion, it is where it is being aimed. Temperance and Wisdom should be our guides.
But I digress.
If indifference is the opposite of love, why is it that the opposite of indifference is not love?
If indifference is just thoughtlessness and passionless regard toward a particular object, then its opposite would not be love, it would be simply caring (which I will refer to as vivacity). As such, the opposite of indifference does include love, but it is not simply limited to love. It includes hatred too, as well as any other feeling.
The opposite of saying nothing is saying something, which can be either true or false. The opposite of doing nothing is doing something, which can be good or evil. The opposite of black is white, which technically contains all other colors. And if you are not moving, then the opposite of that would be to move in any given direction.
The opposite of saying nothing is saying something, which can be either true or false. The opposite of doing nothing is doing something, which can be good or evil. The opposite of black is white, which technically contains all other colors. And if you are not moving, then the opposite of that would be to move in any given direction.
Yet, in a weird way, indifference can also work with love or hatred.
I've known people who have chosen to have no opinion about something because they did not think the topic was important enough to offend someone. I've known other people who have done the same thing because they knew that having no opinion was the most offensive thing they could do. The same can be said about vivacity.
I've learned to stay out of certain things because it is just not my business, however, when it becomes my business, you can bet I'll care about it.
To put it another way, I am called to be indifferent about some things but I am also called to be passionate about others. However, I say this cautiously, because I know that I can often be wrong.
If you have ever had someone who loves you begin to hate you, you know what I mean. In some ways, you wish they would be indifference. Indifference would be a reprieve.
