Thrill of the Fight

This is something that I wanted to talk about for a while, ever since I noticed a dilemma in my own life.

In High School, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test, discovering that I am an “ENTJ”.

My teacher, Mr. Smith, laughed as he told me that ENTJs are “intellectual bullies”.

I later learned that ENTJ personality types are commonly known as natural leaders, but I agree more with the title Mr. Smith handed to me. It’s not that I’m proud of being an intellectual bully, but I certainly was one in High School.

I’m sure you’ve met people like me. We argue with you simply for the sake of the argument. We get a sense of superiority out of getting you to utter the words “I don’t know”. We try to bait an emotional outburst out of your, then look smugly on as your walls slowly crumble beneath our rhetoric and facile observations.

We call ourselves Devil’s Advocates.

In High School, I thought being a Devil’s Advocate was harmless; it was just meaningless fun. However, in college, some very patient, very wise people took the time to show me that my “meaningless fun” was hurting people. I discovered that ideas have power and that thoughts are formative. I was forced to admit that the underhanded techniques I used to win debates spoke volumes about my character.

It said I was underhanded. It said that I thought thoughts were trivial. It said that my ego was the most important thing to me.

I was forced to ask, “Why does the Devil need an Advocate?”

I shown that both thoughts and people are important, and I’ve wrestled with this since then. What I think matters, and how I treat people matters too.

Yet I am a thoughtful person who still enjoys to debate and argue, but I have no desire to trample over people as I do it. So, as I mentioned above, I’ve run into a dilemma. I am a fighter who does not like to hurt people. I throw punches but do not like to bruise others. I like to win but hate when other people lose.

Sometimes two thoughtful people have important disagreements and these disagreements can hurt. After a debate, often times both people end up hurt.

You see, this has been on my mind is because of what has been happening on Facebook lately. I don’t know what it is, but I cannot look at my newsfeed without noticing people arguing. Arguments over marriage, religion, abortion, gun rights, the president, and types of phones. People are arguing. And people are getting hurt. Right there on my newsfeed.

What bothers me is my temptation to get involved in this. In High School I would have gotten involved just for the sake of arguing. In College I would not have gotten involved because I was too scared of hurting someone or getting hurt. But I see that these are important issues to be thoughtful about; I should have a stance even if I do not share it in public.

As a former intellectual bully, I’ve learned that thoughts are important and reflect who you are. I need to be thoughtful about all things, big and little, because these thoughts reflect who I am, from my favorite color to my metaphysical understanding of the universe. My actions speak volumes about what I think, and what I think will often determine how I act. Sure, there are some disconnects, but it’s true most of the time.

I am no longer a Devil’s Advocate, but I hope to be a servant of the Truth. Sometimes this means taking a hard stance and insisting on what I think is right. Sometimes this means sharing my view, even when I don’t want to, because someone asked for it. Sometimes this means shutting up because I know that I’ll be doing a bad job standing up for what is right. At ALL times this means being thoughtful and loving other people.

I’ve learned that there is a time to fight. Like any passionate activity, it is tempting to , as Nike would put it, just do it. But I’ve learned the importance of reserve, lest I hurt people tactlessly. It’s the difference between love and lust. Recovery and slothfulness. Courage and wrath.

I have an image in my head of the kind of person I want to be. I imagine a boxer who fights like beast but behaves like a gentleman, who can knock you on your ass but then helps you up. Who treats you to dinner after your fight, win or lose, and compliments your technique. Who, at the end of the day, makes you reflect on how much farther you have to go while making you happy with the progress you’ve already made.

Until I am that person, I think I’ll pick my battles carefully and train. I’ll train with those strong and patient people who are willing to endure my screw ups and shortcomings. I'll train to find a way to, as 42 put it, "[get] the guts not to fight back." 

What I Learned from Legend of Dragoon

When I pause and reload my childhood gaming memories, I search for hidden Easter Eggs along the beaten path. Shining stars hiding among glittering coins. A shining pellet of righteousness that swallowed up ghosts of bad games.

Enough with gaming puns. Pressing continue on my main menu.

The earliest game that I can think of that was unarguably for my betterment was a game called Legend of Dragoon.

1) Good Stories Tickle the Imagination

When I was a child, I always loved to play using my imagination.

I’ve heard it said that video games are horrible for kids because they crush imagination and suppress creativity. While some video games are very much designed to be addictively replayed (Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, or any game based off a movie), most fall into the category of creative-yet-may-fall-into-a-“rinse-and-repeat”-play-style (Call of Duty, Assassin’s Creed, Tetris,Halo). I think it is bad for creativity, imagination, and innovation to ever fall into a “rinse and repeat” play style; it kills that initial twinkling that made you first want to pick the game off the shelf. 

Yet Legend of Dragoon fell into a kind of third category, a category where that initial twinkling is the spark starting something new.

For whatever reason (I attribute it to good story telling), this game  stuck with me. These were stories about knight and dragons, evil emperors who deceive youthful idealists, kings who pick up the fallen spears of their soldiers, fallen tyrants forced into heroism, troubled heroes forced into horrible decisions, fathers who try to save their daughters, sons who are forced to oppose their father, a true evil lurks behind everything and must be defeated, and that, at ultimate end of all things, justice and love will somehow come together and be united.

For me, this helped mature my childhood imagination into a kind of imaginative world that I always take with me. You may think of it as daydreaming, I think of it as playing in my head. As a result, I don’t know what kind person can be shown all that Legend of Dragoon has to offer and NOT walk away with a more vivid imagination.

2) Party Up (sorry, another video game pun. You can also call it “It’s Not Good to be Alone”)

I very easily could have been a loner in life, but I’ve come to enjoy people’s stories too much to ever be tempted by that.

I know a lot of people who find video games repetitive. They’re right….most of the time, but most things are repetitive. It’s true for movies and books too. You can often tell how good a book or movie is by if you care about the characters when it’s over. A good writer can have one beloved main character yet also have several supporting characters who are just as loved (if not more so) than the hero.

Like all RPGs, Legend of Dragoon starts off slowly introducing the characters, giving you time to meet them and bond with them (incidentally, that’s another complaint people have with video games: they take too long). You, as a player, start to develop favorite characters who you use more often than others. When I played it, I quickly realized that I would lose fights if I only used my favorite characters. Everyone had to get some game time.

This was most apparent in the one-on-one fights you occasionally had to do. No fights were harder than these. If you were stuck playing a healer in a one-on-one fight, you quickly longed for the damage your other players would deal. If you’re the big clunky guy, you began to miss out on being able to have that first, decisive strike.

But this is true for books too; the hardest part of the character’s journey is when he’s without his friends. The hardest part for the reader is missing out on the other characters you care for.

It’s doubly true for life, but that makes our story that much more precious.

3) A Virtual World is no Substitute for the Real One

I suppose the largest myth about video games is that it keeps them from playing outside. I will admit that, yes, playing a video game does not take place outside and, yes, people often substitute their real world interactions with a LCD screen.

I've been there; I've done that. It was an obvious mistake that was not-so-obvious at the time.

That being said, I am firmly convinced that a good video game can make your life better. Just as good books need not turn you into a recluse and good television shows need not turn you into a couch potato, good video games need not turn you into a troll.

Let me tell you how Dragoons taught me about the real world.

A Dragoon  is a person who is entrusted with the soul of the dragon. There are 7 (and it becomes 8) Dragoons. Each Dragoon (save one) has the power over one aspect of nature, which, in the game, are Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Light, Darkness, Lightning, and Divine (the only one that is not nature specific).

For whatever reason, this idea really captivated me. It made me really like going outside and wondering just what nature was capable of. It primed me so that when people talked about how nature was beautiful, I trusted them. I wanted to find beauty in this thing that I had already been wondering about.

More than that though, the game got me to wonder about people. C.S. Lewis talks about glory and realizing that the person next to you is budding either into a god or demon. The Legend of Dragoon had me treating people like that long before Lewis did. Which of my friends has the passionate but understanding spirit of the Fire Dragoon? Who is the whimsical yet aged spirit of Water? Who has passed into my life with the royal spirit of Wind who picks up the burdens of a fallen friend?  Where is the strong, silent, firm spirit of Earth? Where are the keen, kind eyes of Light? Who has the long tormented, all knowing spirit of Darkness? Who has the disciplined soul of Lightning, giving up everything in service to their beloved? Who among us has the powerful and tempered spirit of the Divine?

If you haven't looked at those you love and wondered "What makes them glorious?", I promise you it's a great thought to exercise. Who knows what you'll find?

All I know was that a video game brought me to wonder. 

(I decided to make the "What I Learned from...." a series where I go over life lessons from different things I grew up with. To see my last one, "What I Learned from Power Rangers", click here.)